Ah, Bitcoin—ever the capricious sovereign, descending from its gilded throne with a regal sigh, as the world’s financial fortresses face digital siege and the jesters remind us that even “decentralized” crowns can slip. In times when both banks and blockchains tremble before cyberwarfare and blackout, perhaps true royalty lies not in gold, fiat, or crypto,…

Bitcoin’s price is dropping faster than retail investors’ patience at a Fed press conference—cue the whales taking profits, institutions flexing, and everyone else panic-refreshing charts between doomscrolls about wars and rate hikes. Sure, some are selling to buy Lambos, some to pay rent, and others just because “number go down” is apparently the new macroeconomic…

Bitcoin’s price is down—proving, once again, that while governments can fund endless wars by spinning the fiat money printer, Bitcoin can only wage war against your portfolio’s hopes and dreams. Maybe if we all HODL hard enough, we’ll finally defund both war and our own retirement plans. At least with Bitcoin, the only inflation you’ll…

Oh, look—Bitcoin is down again. But don’t worry, it’s only because the media, boomers, Michael Saylor, and my grandma’s cat all misunderstood its “digital energy” and intrinsic volatility, not because it’s a speculative, unbacked asset that can vaporize my life savings faster than I can explain to my dad that the dollar isn’t backed by…