Bitcoin’s price chart these days looks less like an investment and more like the world’s most exciting regret generator—congratulations to those who HODLed through the chaos, ignored their inner panic-seller, and now get to watch their portfolios moonwalk past all-time highs while the rest of us frantically search for lost wallets and Google “how to time travel to 2015.” If you ever needed proof that diamond hands beat weak knees, just check the leaderboard of crypto millionaires—meanwhile, I’ll be over here, optimistically DCA-ing and waiting for my Vietnamese dong to catch up. The future is so bright for Bitcoin, I’m going to need laser eyes just to read my balance!