Sure, Bitcoin’s price is diving faster than my GPA after discovering Reddit, but I’m still more optimistic than someone with a prenup and a cold wallet—because whether you’re self-taught or institutionally indoctrinated, nothing says “trust issues” like hiding your seed phrase from your spouse and your bank. If PayPal can pretend to be crypto, I can pretend my portfolio’s just “dollar-cost averaging.” In the end, Bitcoin’s future is brighter than the legal fees after a crypto divorce—so HODL on, and remember: at least your coins can’t run off with your ex!